
“Arriving units, put together a team, make your way to the suspect, and take him out”.
That was one of the only commands that I gave as Incident Commander when driving to the active shooter at UNLV.
We ended up clearing an entire college campus after three professors were tragically killed, and another critically injured, during a one-man rampage at a college campus in Las Vegas.
At this point in my career, I had been the tactical response on a mass casualty active shooter, the incident commander on a mass stabbing on the Las Vegas Strip, and now this.
This was no different to me… or so I thought.
After the suspect was killed by responding officers, I spent the next eight hours managing the rest of our response.
I then came home and started to talk to Jenna about what happened that day, and all I had to do for my people. I told her I had a debrief to attend, needed to hit all of the briefings for my area command to make sure my officers were ok…pretty much do everything for everyone else.
Jenna looked at me like I was crazy.
Now at this point, I had been teaching resilience and mental health around the country for the better part of a year. So when Jenna sat me down and told me that I was falling into old habits and not taking care of myself, I was shocked. We had a long (and difficult) conversation about how I have come a long way to improve my mental health. I was in therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, and prioritizing self-care. This was my first real test to see if I fell back into old habits.
She was right. I went right back to what she calls “old Josh”.
Now I’m not saying I was totally receptive to the conversation at first. In fact, she may have threatened to call my boss and tell him I needed at least a day off to process everything that happened and explain to him how it brought up all of the old emotions from my old trauma.
So I decided, with her gentle prodding, to take some time for myself and ensure I was in a good place.
I had to heal myself first, before I could help anyone else.
If you have heard me speak, you know that I don’t like using the word “wellness.” It is such a broad term, but in this instance it fit. I was not prioritizing my own wellness. Real wellness is a course of actions that never end. For a law enforcement officer, there is no single action that can “fix” you.
Although I was taking actions to improve myself, I thought that checking those boxes was enough.
It wasn’t.
I needed to constantly be aware of my own mental health, and take the steps necessary on a regular basis to keep myself healthy. It is through this process that I was able to be more present for not only my employees, but for my family and friends.
I spent the next few days prioritizing myself.
How did I do that?
✅ I spent time focusing on my health and mindset alone.
✅ I spent uninterrupted time with my family and reset myself so I could minimize the trauma experienced from such a chaotic event.
✅ I slept.
✅ I exercised.
✅ I spent most of my time not doing much at all.
This is the best thing I could have done for myself, and prevented some of the demons that I was already fighting with from getting worse.
Prioritize time for yourself to decompress after a critical incident.
Also be open to those in your life that know you best, and know what you need to heal. Jenna was strong willed enough to help me help myself.
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