Is Being Vulnerable True Strength?

I remember a conversation with my dad when I was a young officer. We were talking about tough calls, and he was sharing stories from his 30 years in law enforcement. He told me about calls that stayed with him, and then he mentioned that he never shared any of it with my mom. He didn’t want her to carry the weight of the horrific things he had seen.

That conversation stuck with me. I talked to other officers from his generation, and they all said the same thing:

Don’t talk about the things that bother you.

At the time, it made sense. So that’s how I lived for many years. I didn’t talk about where I really was emotionally, especially when it came to the job. I convinced myself that silence was strength. When someone asked if the trauma ever got to me, I’d say, “No. I choose not to let it affect me.”

The truth was more complicated.

As my career continued, the things I refused to talk about started to show up in my life whether I wanted them to or not. Critical incidents. Child death investigations during my time as an abuse and neglect detective. Mass shootings. Each one chipped away at the armor I thought was protecting me.

By avoiding the painful parts of my life, I had also cut myself off from the good parts. I didn’t feel joy, excitement, or connection. I wasn’t breaking down, but I also wasn’t really living. I was numb.

I was getting through life, but I wasn’t present for it.

When I finally started therapy, it wasn’t the earth-shattering experience I had imagined. At least not at first. I was hesitant to open up, even with the person I was literally paying to listen. I had spent so many years hiding how I felt that even in that room, behind closed doors, I found myself holding back.

Fast forward several years, and I understand the truth. Being vulnerable with the people who matter is real strength. I learned that because even after years of work, being vulnerable is still hard. And doing hard things takes strength.

Here are some ways that you practice vulnerability in your life:

• Start small. Pick one thing at a time and share it, even if it’s just how you’re feeling in that moment.

• Find someone you trust to share with. Feeling safe makes it much easier to be real.

• When you notice yourself starting to shut down, pause and check in with yourself. Ask, Why am I pulling back right now?

• Remember that small moments add up. Sharing little things consistently helps build the habit and makes openness feel more natural over time.

  
  

The best relationships are the ones where communication continues even when it feels uncomfortable. I have to work at it. I still catch myself slipping back into old habits. But now I know what it costs to stay silent. And I know what I gain when I choose to share where I am.

If you’re reading this and you’ve been carrying things alone, I want you to know this: you don’t have to unload everything all at once. Just start by telling the truth about where you are. Start small, and be consistent. 

Courage is being willing to be seen.