The Courage to Live: Why I Wrote This Book

Today is one of those rare milestones I’ll never forget. 

After years of writing, wrestling with memories, and working through emotions I had spent too long avoiding, my book The Courage to Live is officially out in the world.  You can purchase the book here.

To be honest, I’m excited and scared at the same time. Excited because this book holds some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in 24 years as a police officer and beyond. Scared because I put so much of myself into these pages that it feels like my heart is on display.

But that’s the point. This book isn’t just about my career in law enforcement. It’s about what comes after the call, after the critical incident, after the loss, and how we find the courage to live when numbness feels easier.

For most of my career, courage was a core value. People would ask how I made decisions in the middle of chaos, like breaching a door during a mass shooting, pursuing a murder suspect, or standing in front of real danger. My answer was always courage.

But over time I realized something: those were not the hardest moments of courage in my life. Yes, it takes courage to face gunfire or lead through a crisis. But the greater challenge for me was having the courage to change, to confront the grief and trauma I carried from losing my father, losing my brother, and living through events like the 1 October mass shooting in Las Vegas.

For years I chose avoidance. I buried my emotions and told myself I was fine. But numbness doesn’t discriminate. It dulls pain, but it also dulls joy. I was alive, but I wasn’t really living. Writing this book was about sharing that truth: courage isn’t just about what you face on the outside. It’s also about what you face on the inside.

The Courage to Live blends several layers together.

• Stories from the job. You’ll read about high-stakes incidents such as responding to the 1 October shooting, executing a search warrant that turned into a shootout, and working alongside my K9 partner, Loki. These stories put you inside the reality of policing at the highest level of stress.

• Personal experiences. I share about losing my father and my brother, how those losses shaped me, and how grief never fully leaves. It just changes over time.

• Healing and resilience tools. This isn’t just a storybook. I wanted readers to walk away with proven methods for processing trauma and regulating emotions. Tools like the OAKS method for staying grounded in the middle of chaos, and other frameworks I’ve taught to officers, leaders, and everyday people.

• Raw vulnerability. The book includes the parts of me most people never saw when I wore the badge. For a long time I was a polarizing figure at work. People either loved me or hated me. But this book shows a side of me that even those closest to me didn’t always see. It’s honest, sometimes painfully so, because anything less wouldn’t help the people I wrote it for.

  
  

One of my favorite sections is from Chapter 23, where I describe the cost of avoidance. I write about how every time we avoid healing, it’s like carrying another version of ourselves on a stretcher. Over time, that stretcher grows heavier, and eventually it becomes too much to drag.

That image has stayed with me because it’s exactly how I lived for years. I was dragging the weight of unprocessed grief, trauma, and guilt, and it left me exhausted. Therapy, self-reflection, and faith helped me finally lay down that stretcher. My hope is that readers find the courage to do the same without waiting as long as I did.

If you asked me the real reason behind this book, it’s simple: I don’t want others to take the long road I took. I want to give people shortcuts; not by skipping the work, but by showing them the tools and perspectives that can make healing possible sooner.

This book is not just for first responders. Yes, I write about policing and critical incidents, but the lessons apply to anyone facing fear, loss, or change. Whether you’re a business leader, a parent, a spouse, or simply someone trying to carry the weight of life, the message is the same: courage isn’t about never feeling fear. It’s about feeling it and still showing up.

Some readers may come to this book expecting a “true crime” breakdown of 1 October. And yes, there is a factual timeline, never-before-seen photos, and my firsthand account. But the book goes far beyond that. It’s not just about one incident or even about policing.

It’s about what it means to be human in the aftermath of trauma. It’s about relationships, marriage, mistakes, therapy, and faith. It’s about choosing to live fully, even when the easier option is to go numb.

Writing this book changed me. It forced me to confront memories I had avoided, and it showed me the freedom that comes when you finally tell the truth about your story. I’m proud of what’s in these pages, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s real.

If you pick up The Courage to Live, my hope is that you don’t just see my story. I hope you see your own story reflected back and that it gives you permission to face what you’ve been carrying and to start living a life worth living.

The courage to live is not about being fearless. It’s about choosing growth over avoidance, healing over numbness, and life over just existing.

And maybe, you too will find the courage to live.