Put the Same Effort into Your Relationships as You Do Your Career

A month ago, I released a podcast called Put the Same Effort into Your Relationships as You Do Your Career. You can listen to it here. In it, I talk about how easy it is to give everything we have to our work, to show up early, stay late, take on more than we should, and then come home with nothing left for the people who matter most.

That message hit home for a lot of people, including me. It’s something I’ve struggled with throughout my career. For years, I convinced myself that I was doing it all for my family, that the long hours, the stress, and the constant striving were part of providing. But over time, I started to see the tradeoffs more clearly. When your job gets the best of you every day, your family ends up with whatever energy is left over, and sometimes that’s not much.

I wanted to take that conversation a little deeper here and ask one simple but important question:

How do you want to be remembered?

It’s a question that’s easy to answer anecdotally, but sitting down and really thinking about your answer can have a major impact on the way you are living your life. It did for me.  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my own legacy, about what people might say about me when I’m gone and what kind of man, husband, and father I want to be remembered as. Do I want people to say I was dependable at work, that I hit every deadline, that I was always available? Or do I want them to remember that I showed up for the moments that mattered, the games, the dinners, the quiet conversations in bed at the end of a long day?

The question can be difficult to answer because it’s not an either or choice. I’m proud of my career, and I believe in working hard. But there’s a fine line between providing for your family and being absent from it. I want to do both, to give my family opportunities to succeed and also to give them me.  My time, my attention, and my presence.

We all talk about balance, but I’ve learned it’s not something you find once and keep forever. It’s something you constantly adjust. Some seasons demand more from us professionally, and others pull us back home. What matters is being intentional, knowing when to shift your focus, when to say no, and when to remind yourself that success at work means very little if it costs you connection with the people you love.

Practical Ways to Balance Work and Home

Finding that balance starts with small, consistent choices. Here are a few that have made a difference for me:

• Set boundaries around work hours. When you’re home, be home. Turn off notifications, leave the laptop closed, and give your attention to the people in front of you.

• Treat family time like an appointment. Schedule it. Protect it. Put it on your calendar the same way you would a meeting or a deadline.

• Use your commute to reset. Before you walk through the door, take a few minutes to decompress, listen to music, breathe, or sit quietly so you don’t bring work stress home.

• Say yes to less. Saying no to something at work means saying yes to time with family.

• Communicate your priorities. Let your family know when you have a demanding period at work, and let your workplace know when your family needs to come first.

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Plan Your Home Life Like You Plan Your Career

Most of us plan our careers in detail with goals, timelines, strategies, and metrics. But when it comes to home life, we often just hope it works out. The truth is, your personal life deserves the same level of intention.

Here are a few ways to start:

• Set relationship goals. What do you want your marriage or family dynamic to look like six months from now? A year from now? Talk about it together.

• Schedule regular check-ins. Just like a team meeting, have a standing time to talk about what’s working and what needs more attention at home.

• Create shared rituals. Family dinners, weekend walks, or even planning to watch something together can build connection and consistency..

• Revisit your priorities often. Life changes. Goals should too. Adjust them together as your family evolves.

  
  

Balance is about doing what matters most, on purpose. When we plan our personal lives with the same focus and effort we give our careers, we start to close the gap between who we are at work and who we are at home. Over time, that’s what builds a legacy worth remembering.